Milwaukee, WI

On a whim on Saturday night my companion and I stopped at Super Video on Greenfield Avenue in Milwaukee. Super Video sells “adult novelties,” lingerie, smoking accessories (you know, pot smoking supplies…but that’s a rant for another day) and of course, adult videos. It is a relatively nice store - well lit, well-attended, and not at all creepy. I’ve been there before, although sadly my only purchase was some kickass incense (Fizzy Pop - if you ever see Fizzy Pop incense, try it! Great stuff! But I digress…).

I’ve never really perused the videos in an adult stores before. Until tonight.

Oh my God, what a wealth of comedy gold I had missed out on! I mean, I’ve heard some of the classic funny video names before (Saving Ryan’s Privates, for example) and I was vaguely aware that there were some oddball fetishes out there, but I always thought those were the exception and not the rule.

If I hadn’t seen this stuff with my own eyes, I woudln’t believe it.

My favorite title by far was called Shanghai Poon. Go ahead and say it. Shanghai Poon. Hilarious. I may change my name from to Shanghai Poon. I laughed all the way through the store over that one. Shanghai Poon.

Catering to a series of fetishes that apparently needs attention, we spotted a series of sex videos involving overweight pizza delivery women. I know that the delivery guy (or girl) fantasy is pretty common, and I have read that some people find morbid obesity erotic. To each his own. I guess maybe some people might have sex fantasies that involve pizza. But much to my surprise, apparently a combination of all of these is enough of a popular fetish to warrant not one, not two, but three DVDs in a series. Just think about that the next time you are at Pizza Hut…some of the restaurant-goers are there for the pizza, but others are reading the menu like a centerfold. “Mushrooms, green olives, and extra….pepperoni….OH GOD YES PEPPERONI!!!”

Ahem. Where was I?

One of our more surreal observations was a video called “Myspace.cum.” Judging from the description on the back, it was all about high school girls having sex with their friends’ fathers. That was just too weird. Thinking back to high school, my friends’ fathers were just…old. And embarrassing. Yuck. I guess this is why I’m not in the porn business.

Some of the funniest reads were actually on the backs of the videos. I have to wonder who has the job of writing the copy on the back of adult DVDs. Whoever it is, either they are truly skilled artisans or complete idiots. Whatever the case, occasionally it works out and makes for good reading. My favorite simply said “These Texas bitches are a bunch of fucking whores!” Well said, dear wordsmith. Well said.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start visiting more porn stores, for all the wrong reasons. This is far better than any comedy club.

Shanghai Poon signing off.

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