Buy My Crap! (Welcome to Craigslist)
I love using Craigslist to find good bargains on furniture and household items. I’ve purchased quite a few nice things from Craigslist including a beautiful Captain’s bed and a gorgeous old Victor Victrola, but items like that are truly hen’s teeth. The vast majority of the ads on Craigslist are downright ridiculous, and although I must give points for creativity on some of them, it is incredible what people will say to make their trash sound like treasure.
Over time I have learned to interpret “Craigslist-ese,” and I think that I have figured out how to weed out the garbage by interpreting what people say in their ads and boiling it down to what they really mean. To that end, I’m making a little “Craigslist to English” dictionary. Feel free to use it as you browse Craigslist!
Vintage - Ah, vintage. Everyone likes something that’s “vintage.” “Vintage” means quality because they didn’t make garbage back in the good ol’ days, right? Perhaps, but that just doesn’t hold true on Craigslist. In the world of Craigslist, “vintage” means “comes in a tacky color that existed primarily in 1962 and could only possibly find a place in some Bay View hipster’s home.”
Unique - Everyone loves unique! We all like to be different and show off our “unique” style, don’t we? Not so fast…on Craigslist “unique” almost always means “a hideous atrocity that should be dismantled immediately so as not to offend the senses of our good citizens.” Avoid “unique” like the plague unless your a turquoise painted end table with red trim is your idea of decor.
Awesome (Or, as it is sometimes spelled, awsome) - Wow, dude, this couch is, like, totally awesome! On Craigslist, “awesome” is only used when referring to a piece of furniture that originally came from Ikea and then spent 4-6 years being laid upon, kicked around, and more likely than not, vomited on, in some frat boy’s dorm room. Think about *that* before you pick up that “awesome sofa” from Craigslist.
Rare. Guys, nothing that was purchased at Pier One can be considered “rare.” It was mass-produced, probably within the last three years in some third-world country, and readily available at a popular retail establishment. That isn’t rare, not by any stretch of the imagination.
No Craigslist ad would be complete, however, without a mysterious photo - a photo taken with the world’s worst camera from an indescribable angle with near- zero lighting.
Want a great example? This ad just about has it all:
Fabulous Vintage 1950s Barkcloth Curtains EAMES.
I swear to you that I located this AFTER I wrote that bit about the use of the word “Vintage.” Apparently these are curtains…I can’t actually tell from the photo. They are, according to the seller, “awesome,” although I may be inclined to disagree. As a bonus, please note the use of the word “vintage” and the address of the seller. The only thing this ad is missing is the high price tag that some Craigslist sellers like to attach to their treasures. You could go home with these Awesome Vintage Fabulous Rare curtains for just $15.00.
Here’s to you, Craigslist sellers. You bring me hours of entertainment. Beautiful, inadvertent entertainment.
****
Hey, Nintendo Wii Shoppers - Did you know about the rain check program? Check out this Wii blog for details!
Leave a Reply