Milwaukee, WI

It has been nearly a month since moving and I finally feel settled in to my new apartment. Of course, this is also the point when the glossy sheen of excitement starts fading away, and flashbacks to the Tom Hanks film, Money Pit, begin sinking in.

I exaggerate, but I certainly can’t lay claim the perfect apartment. The kitchen sink drips with an agonizingly rhythmic “ding,” the windows have no screens, the cabinets were made by Dr. Caligari, and the basement… Anyone need a set for their next horror film?

Stacked up against the dog-sized rats and cat leavings some of my friends have had to deal with, I suppose I made out pretty well. Still, it’s always disappointing to step in to a new place and realize that it is not the fairy-tale abode you thought it was. That’s why I put together this handy list of considerations for your next apartment hunt.

1. Never trust a landlord who says, “It’ll only take five minutes.”
If a landlord tries to rush you through a showing, it’s a good bet that he or she is trying to hide something. Activate spidey-sense.

2. Don’t sign before it’s finished.
Never sign a lease for an apartment under renovation. A landlord might dazzle you with promises of new this and new that, but there are no guarantees until the job is done. And what if the job isn’t done by moving day? You’re still legally obligated to pay the rent.

3. Open everything.
This includes doors, cabinets, windows, refrigerators, etc. Nobody likes being surprised by a bathroom door that doesn’t close or a dishwasher brimming with mildew.

4. Test the pipes.
Go ahead and turn on the water. Make sure the pipes don’t leak, the heater works, and that the water looks, well, like water. It wouldn’t hurt to give the toilet a flush to make sure gravity is working in the right direction.

5. Check the electricity.
These are modern times and surely you’ll want the modern devices to go with them. Flip the lights on and check for the ever-popular “what does this do” switch. It could be a short in the wiring. Make a mental note of your electronics and make sure there are enough outlets to supply them. If you plan on getting internet service, find out where the phone/cable jacks are.

6. Meet the neighbors.
Meeting them might not happen, but if you’re sharing a building you can at least try to find out a little about them. Are they fond of late-night parties? Do they have barking dogs? If you’re feeling especially brazen, you might even ask the other tenants what they think of the place.

7. Make damage and repair lists.
This should be the first thing you do after moving in, unless you want to get blamed for the unnoticed damage of previous tenants. Then, make another list of things that need to be fixed. Sign it, have your landlord sign it, date it, and make copies. If worst comes to worse and you have to go to court, you have written proof. Judges love that.

I hope these tips can be of some help. Feel free to share your own tips or horror stories in the Comments section.